Lessons my Heart has learned

I mentioned a while back that I would try to share a bit about how working with NILMDTS has affected me, and what God has taught me through this. It's really rather hard to fully put into words what my heart has learned, but I'll try. It all brings me back to this verse:

Psalm 139:13-16 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place...Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

First, for those who have missed my previous NILMDTS posts, I'd love for you to go read those later, but let me give you a very short version of what this is. "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" is a non-profit organization that sends a professional photographer to the hospital for families experiencing the loss of a child. Sometimes the family knows before birth that the baby has a condition that will not allow him/her to live for more than a few minutes or days. Sometimes it is an unexpected situation. Our goal is to create beautiful photographs to help those families have something tangible to hold on to. A few weeks later, the family is given a CD of edited images from the session, as well as a DVD slideshow set to music. All of this is absolutely free of charge.

Sometimes the babies have already passed away when their photographs are done. Sometimes they may be hooked up to tubes, or on life support. Sometimes they may have some physical abnormalities. I know that to some people, taking these kinds of photos sounds weird. But this the only chance these families have for photos of their baby. They don't have years of photo opportunities ahead, they won't get to watch their little ones grow up.

I was part of a meeting with a local hospital yesterday, discussing NILMDTS and answering questions, and a chaplain was part of the group. He said that parents experiencing a stillbirth or the loss of a newborn often ask him, "Does this count? Can we count this as having a child?" Oh, how that breaks my heart; I am teary-eyed again just thinking about it. That is exactly why I want to do this! YES, it counts! This was your baby!!! And I want to give them precious photos so that they can point to that beautiful photo on the shelf or watch that DVD again, and say, "That's my baby. He's in heaven now." Did you know that in many states, including Georgia, stillborn babies do not get a birth certificate or equivalent? No wonder parents ask that heart-wrenching question! But there is a petition to change this. Go HERE to find out more or to sign the petition.

One of the lessons I have learned is just how precious life is. Whether that life spans 90 years or just a few fleeting moments, life is precious. When I photograph a tiny perfect baby born at 24 weeks gestation who has hung on and fought for his little life for weeks after his birth; when I see first-hand the grief his parents have for the child they'll never bring home; when I see his NICU "roommate" actually make it, then I truly realize what a tragedy abortion really is. I don't say this to condemn anyone, but these experiences have made me even more pro-life than I already was; my heart breaks for all those who, for whatever reason, chose abortion as what they believed to be the best option.

Another thing my heart has learned is this: our bodies really are just temporary. When I am posing a little baby who has passed on, I treat his little body with gentleness and respect, but I know that baby is really already in the arms of Jesus. Just a few years ago, doing this might have shaken my faith, but somehow, God has used this to strengthen my faith instead, and I praise him and thank him for that. I'm also learning never to take anything for granted; I still have trouble actually putting that into practice on a daily basis, but I'm trying.

This would be way too hard, way too painful, way too stressful (because obviously we don't get a second chance to re-do these photos) without Christ living in me and through me. The first and foremost reason we do this is to let Jesus love others through us. A bereavement photography session is not the time to share the gospel with words, but we sure hope to share it through our actions. We also do this for every friend, every loved one who has grieved the loss of a child: families at church; my aunt's twin baby boys born too soon; friends who have suffered miscarriages...

Recently I learned that a friend of mine had experienced a loss I never even knew about, and she shared this with me in an email:

"... I love what you and Ken are doing with the photography for the families of dying babies. [We] lost a baby in 1989 to polycystic kidney disease and I did not even get to see him...let alone have a photo of him. The hospital, doctors, family, etc all frowned on us even holding or seeing him since he was stillborn. I am so touched that you are strong enough and talented enough to capture those precious moments that I only wish I could regain... "

If you have personally experienced such a loss, please know that my heart grieves for you, and you are often in my prayers. There is also an area on the NILMDTS website especially for grieving parents; I've heard great things about the online forum for families, and encourage you to join, especially if you don't already have a local support group. NILMDTS now has affiliate photographers in all 50 states and several other countries, but some areas don't have enough to meet the need. If you are a photographer, please consider volunteering your time and talent.