Recently I began participating in a fantastic meme called my husband rocks, which is a great chance to tell the world how and why you appreciate your husband. It’s also a great way to remind yourself why you love and appreciate him, and a wonderful way to encourage him! (Men, you can contribute a “my wife rocks” post, too!) One of my blog friends (one of the few men who read my blog, I think!) left a wonderful comment on my most recent my husband rocks post that really tied into some things I’ve been thinking lately, so thank you Kevin! I feel like this is something I need to expound upon (that’s a fun phrase that I just don’t get to use often enough!). 
We tend to take marriage lightly. Many of us confuse lust with love, and think living together is good preparation for marriage. When we do enter into marriage, it’s usually with the caveat in the back of our minds that “if it doesn’t work out (or when the lust wears off), I can always get a divorce.” We know divorce isn’t easy, “But,” we think, “it’s certainly better than being stuck in an unhappy marriage.”
It breaks my heart that the statistics for the divorce rate among Christians is no better than the divorce rate among non-Christians. Why is that??? It's because we’ve bought into what the world says about marriage. The truth is, marriage is meant to be about glorifying Christ, living out an earthly version of Christ’s relationship with the church (which is all believers, not just one congregation or denomination!). We should seek God’s wisdom and guidance in choosing our spouse, we should keep our hearts and bodies pure to present to each other ONLY, and we should never expect our spouse to fulfill all our needs; only God can fill that God-shaped hole -- no other person or thing! But the good news is, if you're doing these things, you'll have the joy of an intimate relationship with Christ, which in turn will bless your marriage! A Godly marriage is full of true and lasting joy!
Kevin’s points were right-on: men do have differing needs than women, and I’m not referring to anything physical. We as women have a need to feel loved and cherished; men have a need to feel respected. I choose to encourage my husband and show him respect because God commands it.
Ken really is a “super man” but he’s not perfect, and I’m not either, so sometimes we do butt heads. As a matter of fact, I was kinda irked at him (which in retrospect was entirely my own fault) when I began that most recent “my husband rocks” post, but I chose to obey Philippians 4:8: “...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” By the time I finished that post, I was back to swooning about Ken. You see, in everything that happens each and every day, I have a choice in whether I will think on good things or focus on the negative. If I choose the latter, I will never be satisfied with anyone (including myself) or anything. Often in marriage, we start focusing on the negative, and it begins a dangerous downward spiral. Don’t let that happen! Even if your spouse is getting on your last nerve, find at least ONE thing you appreciate or love about him or her, and think on that. Hold those bad thoughts captive and throw them far, far away!
I am no expert on marriage – I have a failed past marriage to prove it. The sad, sad thing is that we were both Christians, but neither of us knew anything about actually living out a Biblical marriage. Just being Christian parallel to your spouse is NOT enough! Find those verses that speak of marriage, and pray for understanding as you read them. And then, start living them!
Most of us don’t know how to do this because we’ve never seen a truly Biblical marriage in real life. How sad that is! How can we expect marriage to thrive unless we are showing the world what God’s true intention was when he created marriage? Christians, if you are married, you have an obligation to model a Biblical marriage, so get your household in order and live that out for others to see!
This topic is near and dear to my heart, so this won’t be my last post about it. I've never written about it before because I'm not a bright and shiny example of marital longevity; I do however, have a lot of experience in what not to do, and now I've been blessed with a few years experience in doing it right. As I said, I’ve failed at marriage, and here's the very simple reason why – God was not at the center of that marriage. We kept God around the periphery, but our marriage was built on sand (Matthew 7:24-26). Because of that, I experienced a whole lot of brokenness and learned some very painful lessons. When I married Ken, we vowed to keep Christ at the very CENTER of our relationship. Our marriage is built upon that solid rock called Christ; it’s the only way marriage can work. Is your marriage "on the rocks"? Or is the foundation of your marriage built upon the Rock.
We tend to take marriage lightly. Many of us confuse lust with love, and think living together is good preparation for marriage. When we do enter into marriage, it’s usually with the caveat in the back of our minds that “if it doesn’t work out (or when the lust wears off), I can always get a divorce.” We know divorce isn’t easy, “But,” we think, “it’s certainly better than being stuck in an unhappy marriage.”
It breaks my heart that the statistics for the divorce rate among Christians is no better than the divorce rate among non-Christians. Why is that??? It's because we’ve bought into what the world says about marriage. The truth is, marriage is meant to be about glorifying Christ, living out an earthly version of Christ’s relationship with the church (which is all believers, not just one congregation or denomination!). We should seek God’s wisdom and guidance in choosing our spouse, we should keep our hearts and bodies pure to present to each other ONLY, and we should never expect our spouse to fulfill all our needs; only God can fill that God-shaped hole -- no other person or thing! But the good news is, if you're doing these things, you'll have the joy of an intimate relationship with Christ, which in turn will bless your marriage! A Godly marriage is full of true and lasting joy!
Kevin’s points were right-on: men do have differing needs than women, and I’m not referring to anything physical. We as women have a need to feel loved and cherished; men have a need to feel respected. I choose to encourage my husband and show him respect because God commands it.
Ken really is a “super man” but he’s not perfect, and I’m not either, so sometimes we do butt heads. As a matter of fact, I was kinda irked at him (which in retrospect was entirely my own fault) when I began that most recent “my husband rocks” post, but I chose to obey Philippians 4:8: “...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” By the time I finished that post, I was back to swooning about Ken. You see, in everything that happens each and every day, I have a choice in whether I will think on good things or focus on the negative. If I choose the latter, I will never be satisfied with anyone (including myself) or anything. Often in marriage, we start focusing on the negative, and it begins a dangerous downward spiral. Don’t let that happen! Even if your spouse is getting on your last nerve, find at least ONE thing you appreciate or love about him or her, and think on that. Hold those bad thoughts captive and throw them far, far away!I am no expert on marriage – I have a failed past marriage to prove it. The sad, sad thing is that we were both Christians, but neither of us knew anything about actually living out a Biblical marriage. Just being Christian parallel to your spouse is NOT enough! Find those verses that speak of marriage, and pray for understanding as you read them. And then, start living them!
Most of us don’t know how to do this because we’ve never seen a truly Biblical marriage in real life. How sad that is! How can we expect marriage to thrive unless we are showing the world what God’s true intention was when he created marriage? Christians, if you are married, you have an obligation to model a Biblical marriage, so get your household in order and live that out for others to see!This topic is near and dear to my heart, so this won’t be my last post about it. I've never written about it before because I'm not a bright and shiny example of marital longevity; I do however, have a lot of experience in what not to do, and now I've been blessed with a few years experience in doing it right. As I said, I’ve failed at marriage, and here's the very simple reason why – God was not at the center of that marriage. We kept God around the periphery, but our marriage was built on sand (Matthew 7:24-26). Because of that, I experienced a whole lot of brokenness and learned some very painful lessons. When I married Ken, we vowed to keep Christ at the very CENTER of our relationship. Our marriage is built upon that solid rock called Christ; it’s the only way marriage can work. Is your marriage "on the rocks"? Or is the foundation of your marriage built upon the Rock.
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14 nifty note(s):
Jamie,
Thank you for your kind words and for linking to my blog. I think you are right on the mark. Thank you for your transparency and honesty regarding your own life. I have found that God will use our past failures to help us in the future and to help others. You are right in that we don't often see a Biblical marriage modeled for us. Also, great point about making the choice to focus on the positive. I have a coffee filter with that Philippians verse written on it to remind myself to filter my thoughts through that verse. Great post!!
What a wonderful post! Your last paragraph really hit home for me. As I've told you before, I also have a failed first marriage but am now married to an awesome Christian who vowed to keep God at the center of our relationship. We even have a Covenant Marriage to show each other and God how important it is to both of us to stay together.
Love your new look!
Hey, lady, where've you been? (smile)
"We as women have a need to feel loved and cherished; men have a need to feel respected."
Wow. One of our most precious wedding gifts is the book "His Needs, Her Needs." It spends a great deal of time on the very point you made so succinctly above. I still cherish this book and its wisdom. In fact, my sister and I were just discussing this a few weeks back while counseling her through some marital troubles. Like you said, marital wisdom doesn't just happen because you are a Christian; it takes a willingness to work at it, and to work on self. I'll also add that, over time, we tend to forget all the little things that made our husbands fall in love, and one of the non-so-little things is attention. I learned a powerful lesson from my little one a few years back. Dad is so pleased when she bursts out of the garage door to meet him before he can get out of the car. So now, guess what I do when the garage door pops up?!? It's not a huge gesture on my point, but it means so much to him. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks so much for this post. I am a subscriber to your blog, but I don't know if I've ever commented. I, too, joined the My Husband Rocks! group, and it's helped me, in just a few short weeks, to forget the frustrating or not so blissful moments and focus on the positive, the good attributes of my husband and my marriage. And it is good, everyday, even when we're cranky, or tired. I've found that if I'm looking for the good stuff to post, all the rest just doesn't seem to matter as much.
I have to agree, too, with your views of marriage. Too many people see marriage as a temporary, disposable thing. It's really sad. I see it every day. Mrs. G tells me that her marriage (her 3rd, his 2nd) isn't going to last much longer, and that my 6-year marriage is longer than her 3 combined, and that she doesn't think that she could ever be married to one person forever. I just want to ask her why. "Why, if it's not forever, would you get married at all?" I thought that was the point of marriage, to pledge to spend the rest of your life, through the good and the bad, to one person. Those are the vows I took. I hate to sound judgemental, but this post just really spoke to me this morning and I couldn't keep my thoughts to myself.
So, thank you, for this wonderful post. I look forward to reading many more like it.
We're about to move to Acworth from Virginia. We leave here on Friday! As a matter of fact, my first MHR post was about my busband getting a job in Georgia. This will bring us very close to home; we're originally from Montgomery, Alabama.
Great post, Jamie. I have been there and done that and perhaps should have written a book myself as well. Another great book that speaks of this is Love and Respect by Eggrich. Great book!
What a beautiful and insightful post. I agree with everything that you've said.
In our 43 years of marriage there have been times when we were not real happy with each other.... times that we had to work to be happy....we could not have done it if it had not been for God's help... If we hadn't put our lives in God's hands and tried to live closer to Him....if we had not followed the examples set for us by Jesus... our marriage would not have survived.
We love each other so much...more now than ever before.... but it still takes work... and putting ourselves in God's hands.
Thanks for your post today. I hope many many read it.
Thank you for sharing your heart on this topic. Your insight on the subject is so helpful.
What a truly wonderful post. What a legacy for your children. God is the link that will keep your commitment to your marriage. Bless you!! :)
wow! this is fabulous! i'm adding a link to this to today's MHR post!!! thanks a bunch!
What a wonderful post! I loved reading it. I think I'm going to link it too.
Oh my stars, I LOVE this! I know it's been a week + since you wrote it, but I really want to link to it.
This is truly a delightful blog!
Wow, Jamie, what a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing not only God's Word, but your experiences. God gives you the strength and wisdom from knowing both sides of the situation and is using you got guide us in that. Recently our bible class went through a series called "Love and Respect" which comes from the verse telling us to love our wives and wifes to respect their hushands. His point is that men's first need is respect and we normally do it pretty well, but women's first need is love and we really have to work at that. So it isn't necessarily easy for women to respect, because they know love so well. It was a really enlightening series and has helped us a lot, but things fall by the wayside and need to be revisited and refreshed. Thank you again for letting God speak through you! Have a God day!
What a great post!! Happy Wednesday
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